


keep sharp blades for the cadavers

by rachel614 (orphan_account)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: #butterknife, Crack, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Pure unadulterated crack fic, What-If, taking things literally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 01:57:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17377403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/rachel614
Summary: Sherlock gets confused about Molly, and reacts poorly.-----“I think I was...confused.”“Confused.”“About how-I’ve been thinking about her. All the time. It’s been compromising my focus on the Work. I don’t understand.”-----Rated T for 2 instances (justified, in my opinion) of the F-word.





	keep sharp blades for the cadavers

**Author's Note:**

> A little plot bunny born from thinking about Mrs. Hudson's lines about Sherlock's emotional responses in TLD, which turned into an exercise in writing pure dialogue. It was a little challenging to get all the action across, so I hope you enjoy!

 

_“He's not about thinking. Not Sherlock.”_

_“Of course he is.”_

_“No, no. He's more emotional, isn't he? Unsolved case, shoot the wall! Boom, boom! Unmade breakfast, karate the fridge. Unanswered question... Well, what does he do with anything he can't answer, John? Every time?”_

_“He stabs it.”_  
  


-x-x-x-

 

“Aack!”

“...”

“Sherlock! What the LITERAL fuck?!”

“...”

“Are you high? I’m going to kill you.”

“....”

“Okay, now you’re scaring me.”

 

-x-x-x-

 

“He stabbed Molly Hooper?”

“With a butter knife.”

“He stabbed. Molly Hooper.”

“Yes. With a butter knife.”

“I’m gonna kill him!”

“Well, I have this butter knife handy.”

“Shut up, Greg.”

 

-x-x-x-

 

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah. A little shaken up. The knife wasn’t sharp, obviously, so she’s just a little bruised. But Sherlock went practically catonic on her. He was still just standing there, staring at her, knife in hand when I got there.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Anyway, that’s why I called you. I’m hoping you can reach him. He’s in here.”

 

-x-x-x-

 

“John?”

“You complete bastard.”

“I- what did...”

“You stabbed Molly Hooper. Molly Hooper, who is a saint, who has saved your SORRY LIFE, MULTIPLE TIMES-“

“No, no, _no_ -“

“Sherlock! Easy, mate, calm down.”

“Is- is she...okay?”

“Of course she’s not okay, you idiot! She was just stabbed by one of her closest friends!”

“But she’s still...alive?”

“....”

“John? John! Please tell me I didn’t- Molly isn’t-“

“It was a butter knife, Sherlock. You can’t kill someone with a butter knife. Well, at least not easily.”

“Oh. That’s alright then.”

“NO, IT IS NOT ALRIGHT! What the _hell_ were you thinking?”

“...”

“....”

“I think I was...confused.”

“Confused.”

“About how-I’ve been thinking about her. All the time. It’s been compromising my focus on the Work. I don’t understand.”

“You stabbed Molly because she was distracting.”

“Distracting is an insufficient expression.”

“...what exactly doesn’t it express?”

“Molly is... there’s so much... she’s really pretty. Did you know that, John?”

“You stabbed Molly Hooper because you’re in love with her?”

“...”

“ _Bloody hell_.”

“I really fucked this up, didn’t I.”

“Um, yeah. I’d say you did.”

 

-x-x-x-

 

“Hello, Sherlock. Any sharp objects today?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. Just...keep sharp blades for the cadavers, okay?”

“Okay.”

“...”

“...”

“Pass me that slide, will you?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“...”

“....”

“Um, okay.”

“......”

“..........................”

“John was right. Kissing is a far more satisfactory way of resolving my feelings than stabbing you.”

“Shut up and kiss me again.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please note: I do not intend in any way to condone domestic abuse. This is crack along the lines of Tom & Jerry, and Sherlock's behavior would IRL be absolutely unacceptable.


End file.
